Monday, March 24, 2008 @9:34 PM
The following post below might ruin your day (or not) and if you're seriously unhappy with people like me who are excessively emo (guess you really don't understand), please return to the web page before this. To save you from whatever negative feelings.My heart is aching but I don't know why.Today was quite possibly the most emotionally draining day till date. Everyone was crying when we saw grandma's face for the last time and they closed the coffin. I can't forget the tear-streaked expressions. It's funny how you forget things you want to remember, but you remember things you want to forget. That was in the morning. I couldn't control my tears, if that's what you mean. All of us had to turn around as they sealed the coffin. We walked on the road for about 15 mins to the bus stop, solemn and all.It was a bus ride to the Mandai crematorium then. I guess I was really hoping we wouldn't reach the place and forever be on the bus, but maybe I wasn't thinking about that. Arriving at the crematorium, last round of rites/rituals. Proceeded to the service hall to wait and watch the coffin below us descend slowly behind closed doors. That. That was horrible. That was a horrible ten minutes. It was like a sense of finality. However hard I tried to control, I would never have been able to stop those tears from falling. It was much worse, heart-wrenching for my aunts and uncles. I was nothing compared to them.I kept hoping extremely hard that the door would not close. If it closed, it would mean she had left, the coffin had gone. But the doors closed. I could never dictate what happened.After that, i think everything kinda felt better. It probably represented some sort of closure.I don't know if i should have posted this. It's sickeningly emo. But perhaps it's important? Like my dad said, I can't believe my grandma passed away. It was just around a week ago when I saw her, healthy and all. It's crazy how things can change in so little time. In so little time.It's funny to think that although s'pore is so small, but two completely different things can happen at the same time on the same day. This morning was tracknfield and it seemed like everyone at bishan stadium had truckloads of fun. All smiles. But a small small distance away, where I was this morning, the mood was totally the opposite.The last 5-6 days have been crazy, stressful, emotionally wrought. Not for me, but my aunts and uncles. I really hope for a new beginning. As the wise WJ said, time can heal all wounds. But that sentence applies more to my aunts and uncles. There's too little time now.I want to play FIFA 2008 but I won't. I'm going to do my work. Tomorrow is hockey final and it's compulsory. I don't think i'm able to go for it. I don't think i'll be able to cheer 200% all out and it kinda feels like i'll be letting the school down. I know i'm ridiculous.Please come online or show some sign. I can't believe i'm waiting.
♥ you and i both loved