Thursday, March 27, 2008 @6:59 PM
E-learning is crazy and the horrible teachers just enjoy handing out alot of work to us. Fancy us logging into our asknlearn account and click under "school lessons", then boom! S3 physics e-learning, S3 english e-learning, S3 chemistry e-learning blah blah blah. That's just the start. Click on "Instructions for e-learning" and we find out that the horrible teachers want us to "Please do this" and "Please do that" and "Please do everything". Of course they don't say "please"... (it's just me helping them to sound polite) Some try to sound polite like saying "Have fun!" but it's just plain sarcasm right? Have fun doing all the work? I dunno...Having said that, after all the frustrations and complaining above, there's a good side to this. (Yes there is) I can wake up late every day, which is always a nice thing to do. But that's because I stay up late the night before. Listen to muttons longer because there isn't a need to go to bed so early.And e-learning came at a good time because I needed it after what happened. If not I wouldn't have been able to catch up with my work and stuff.Plus. Staying at home is starting to seem like a much much better idea than going to school. I don't know how to describe school and lessons, it's like no feeling at all. Going through the day numb and robotic-like. Because every day in school is just so so predictable and so so routine. Until I already know how lessons pass. The first 10-15 mins of the lesson will pass slowly, and i'll feel "sigh sigh sigh", hoping that the lesson will end (of course), then after that the next 45 mins will just zooooom past like nobody's business.I guess my outlook on stuff has changed much after the past week. I don't think i'll forget this past week for a long time. It feels like a month has gone over the past week. Today is thursday, which means this morning, one week ago, 8.05am... okay, better stop.At least there's squash tomorrow. I've been wanting to play squash, either thrash somebody or get thrashed would go a long way. Maybe i'll be evil to the sec 1s tomorrow and scold them! It'll be quite funny. Don't worry, my standard at being evil is kinda low. I'll probably end up looking emo-momo-bomo. Right?Starting to get frustrated at the lack of songs. SONGS please SONGS. Click Five coming to town (again! but this time it's a full-blown concert) on June 1st for indoor stadium concert. Our chance to get tickets. Get tickets and not miss any more concerts.ANY TAKERS?
♥ you and i both loved
Monday, March 24, 2008 @10:31 PM
This is crazy. I can't concentrate on my work because my cousins, uncles and aunts' faces keep popping up in front of my eyes. I think I'm going crazy.Okay. No. It's time to focus. Bleeding Love is playing on radio. Thank goodness for leona.So liverpool lost badly to man utd. Just had to heap on the misery. It's okay. Man utd shall pay. In a very bad way. I like being evil to man utd.
♥ you and i both loved
@9:34 PM
The following post below might ruin your day (or not) and if you're seriously unhappy with people like me who are excessively emo (guess you really don't understand), please return to the web page before this. To save you from whatever negative feelings.My heart is aching but I don't know why.Today was quite possibly the most emotionally draining day till date. Everyone was crying when we saw grandma's face for the last time and they closed the coffin. I can't forget the tear-streaked expressions. It's funny how you forget things you want to remember, but you remember things you want to forget. That was in the morning. I couldn't control my tears, if that's what you mean. All of us had to turn around as they sealed the coffin. We walked on the road for about 15 mins to the bus stop, solemn and all.It was a bus ride to the Mandai crematorium then. I guess I was really hoping we wouldn't reach the place and forever be on the bus, but maybe I wasn't thinking about that. Arriving at the crematorium, last round of rites/rituals. Proceeded to the service hall to wait and watch the coffin below us descend slowly behind closed doors. That. That was horrible. That was a horrible ten minutes. It was like a sense of finality. However hard I tried to control, I would never have been able to stop those tears from falling. It was much worse, heart-wrenching for my aunts and uncles. I was nothing compared to them.I kept hoping extremely hard that the door would not close. If it closed, it would mean she had left, the coffin had gone. But the doors closed. I could never dictate what happened.After that, i think everything kinda felt better. It probably represented some sort of closure.I don't know if i should have posted this. It's sickeningly emo. But perhaps it's important? Like my dad said, I can't believe my grandma passed away. It was just around a week ago when I saw her, healthy and all. It's crazy how things can change in so little time. In so little time.It's funny to think that although s'pore is so small, but two completely different things can happen at the same time on the same day. This morning was tracknfield and it seemed like everyone at bishan stadium had truckloads of fun. All smiles. But a small small distance away, where I was this morning, the mood was totally the opposite.The last 5-6 days have been crazy, stressful, emotionally wrought. Not for me, but my aunts and uncles. I really hope for a new beginning. As the wise WJ said, time can heal all wounds. But that sentence applies more to my aunts and uncles. There's too little time now.I want to play FIFA 2008 but I won't. I'm going to do my work. Tomorrow is hockey final and it's compulsory. I don't think i'm able to go for it. I don't think i'll be able to cheer 200% all out and it kinda feels like i'll be letting the school down. I know i'm ridiculous.Please come online or show some sign. I can't believe i'm waiting.
♥ you and i both loved
Sunday, March 23, 2008 @8:43 AM
Going for tuition soon. Kinda tired. Can't believe the amount of work we have for every single subject. The teachers probably expect us to work for 24 hours and not sleep at all. Just because we have 3 days of holidays doesn't mean we should be forced to spend every single minute sitting down trying to finish the work. Maybe if I can't complete then never mind. Just tell whoever "Sorry. I'm afraid it wasn't within my capabilities to finish this crazy load of homework." Listen to kt spout all the expletives regarding the teachers.Can't watch the man utd vs liverpool match tonight. Liverpool is going to win anyway. That's how much confidence I have in them.Rituals tonight will be longer. My K2 "cousin" is really talkative but smart. I taught him how to spell "station". Talked to my other cousin as she, him, me sat around burning the pieces of paper (Gold and silver money).What's the date today? 23 March right? It would be nice for a new month to arrive. Gotta go bathe soon. And have breakfast.
♥ you and i both loved
Thursday, March 20, 2008 @8:51 PM
Yesterday it was at the hospital, today it was at the funeral wake. I spent the whole afternoon going through the same torturous thing I went through 2 years ago. Maybe I'm not allowed to suffer that much, but I can't stand to see my aunt and uncles crying.She left at 8.05 this morning. I don't get it. How is it possible for things to change so fast within a day? It sucks. It sucks big time. Tuesday night she was alive and well, thursday morning she just... left. It's a cruel joke. She just celebrated her 80th birthday during chinese new year, everything was fine, happy. I don't believe it.I'll miss track n field. Out of three years, I've only attended once. But that's far from important right now.My grandparents have all left. For a better world perhaps.
♥ you and i both loved
Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @11:48 PM
This Blow Came Totally Unexpected.As I sit here typing this post, my grandmother is battling for her life at the intensive care unit of the hospital. This isn't another effing crap story that I decided to write for ERP, not like two posts ago where it was about an imaginary sister I had. Spending two hours at the hospital tonight, the pacing, the red eyes shining with tears, enduring through the silence, looking at my grandma attached to so many machines, clinging on for support. Staring forever at the machine, hoping that after staring hard enough at it, the oxygen count would rise and not fluctuate at the effing 40-50 region. Everyone was there. And then complications had to arise. She came and tried to be a b!tch.I hate this. I hate what this freaking world throws at us. Less than 24 hours ago, she was absolutely fine. She was smiling. Why? Why? Why did her heart stop beating suddenly? She's on her third and last dose of maximum medication and treatment now. Apparently now it's up to her to fight. Technology is so advanced now, technology is so advanced now, bullshit. It still can't help my grandma. I know i'm unfair, but why should I care? The effing doctor almost giving up, "let her leave naturally" or whatever.Going into the room twice to look at her, I didn't know what to say. Ever know the feelings of uselessness and helplessness? I could just look at her, praying so hard that she would just get well, holding her hand lightly. Come on grandma. Don't leave. Not now. Not now. Live to see tomorrow.My hands smell of disinfectant and I despise myself for being so negative. Absolutely despise myself. The muttons can't make me laugh now. Tomorrow is community day. Pathlight. I can't help but go there with an empty heart. I hate being fake. I desperately wish not to hear any bad news tomorrow. Please.Now it's thursday. Eve of good friday. Sense of deja-vu. My mum said 2008 was thought to be possibly a horrible year, every part of what horrible means is proven right now.Don't wanna control my tears like just now.
♥ you and i both loved
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 @5:23 PM
Today has to be defined as an interestingly boring day. *Yawns*Went to school early in the morning for squash. (still training sec 1s) Somehow i felt really lame, crappy, naughty or whatever you call it, and i decided to go into the court, plug my ears with music and play/train/do my drives. One hand carry ipod one hand holding racquet. Actually, i'm not supposed to do that? (But i did =O) Because during training, you have to serious and not fool around embarrassingly like i did this morning. And the string gets in the way. Nevertheless! i did that for 20 minutes when suddenly she (teacher-in-charge aka you-should-know-who!) randomly appeared out of nowhere. I noticed straightaway and in my mind i went "Shitte!". I quickly rushed out, removed the earpiece/earphone and stuffed the ipod somewhere. And at that instant i thought she didn't realise what i did? But she just had to give that trademark sarcastic remark. "Wah you so pro arh can listen to music and play squash. So pro eh!" I went "Shitte!" a few more times in my mind again. =D Ahh it was all in the name of fun! But lesson learnt - next time shan't do it LIAO.Sheesh. Then she didn't believe that the sec 1s have been using the school courts since january but it's true what! At least i managed to not look stupid and get my point across. =PTraining was okay. I think the sec 1s have improved and are not bad, except for a select few. It can be frustrating though, especially when some still can't get it. Then it gives me the "argh!" feeling, the atmosphere in the court becomes bleargh/sian and sucks the energy out of me. Basically repeat the same pointers quite alot of times.After training, i got abandoned (yeah wo bei pao qi), the weather, the rain was horrible, felt wet, sticky, took bus, crossed the overhead bridge to J8, found wx at macdonalds playing PSP. Haha. I asked him if the guitar camp was boring, because the general feeling around the table was very bleargh/sian, and he said it was okay lah but crappy! (Seemed boring though =O)Had an uncomfortable macdonalds lunch. The oil dripping and flowing down my hand absolutely spooked me out. But i ate it all and i feel guilty. Took an uncomfortable trip home, spent 30 minutes at the gym, sweated it out, stupid lunch sucked the stamina out of me. Went home, bathed, realised to my horror that when i raised my left arm, it ached badly and become totally numb. Slacked three hours in front of the computer until now. Argh No Crap Shitte! I feel guilty again. Gotta work harder. Quality of yesterday's work seemed low.T-H-I-S I-S H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E !H-A-H!Oh btw, mrs goh wants us to send over the text asap when we haven't even started. O.O Gosh wx! kt! kl! read this.
♥ you and i both loved
Monday, March 10, 2008 @11:31 PM
Sometimes we laugh not out of good cheer, but to avoid or absolve ourselves of a deeper pain“He seems to have fallen asleep. The past month has been especially gruelling on him.”
“He must be exhausted after suffering the brunt of it. The situation appears to be discouraging. Do you think she will ever wake up?”
“It pains me to say this but I doubt so. There might still be a chance though.”
They had no idea that I was eavesdropping on their conversation. If they had observed carefully, I was lying at an awkward angle that was almost impossible for me to sleep in. With my eyes closed, my heart burned in anger at their lack of faith in my sister’s willpower to survive. However, it had been a month without improvement, and my previous feelings of resentment wilted into despair. To avoid talking to them, I continued to pretend to be sleeping.
“It’s unbelievable. She’s still so young with such incredible potential and years of impressive achievements ahead of her. She’s his only family left and he loved her so. Now she’s gone, it’s a devastating blow –”
Now she’s gone. There was a pause and a tense, nervous silence reigned around the room. I knew they had realised their inadvertent mistake, speaking of her as if she was already dead. It was difficult for me not to feel bitter and grief-stricken at the same time. It seemed as though nothing could cut through this thin ice when...
“Hey, do you remember the ridiculous incidents she got herself into when she was young, the silly things she did, even when she was old enough to stop being so childish?”
Some of the anguish I felt before receded a little as I recalled how endearing my sister could be at times. I could imagine their smiles too as they chuckled in amusement. However, it felt like the pseudo laughter only served as an impetus to move on from the tense atmosphere before. There was no genuine reason for any form of happiness.
“Did you know that after she received her outstanding A-Level results, she was actually thrilled to the extent of hugging every person on sight? When she realised her actions, her face turned red as a tomato.”
I heard their laughter and a small bout of laughter rose within me as memories of that incident returned to us. The pain of seeing my sister on the hospital bed disappeared a little. I had been proud of her that day and it was comforting to relive the event again.
“Another time, during her 21st birthday, we organized a surprise birthday bash to celebrate the occasion. When she entered the house, we flicked on the lights and smashed the birthday cake into her face. Her facial expressions were hilarious. She didn’t know whether to be shocked, furious or delighted. Eventually, she resorted to chasing after everyone in the house.”
Loud laughter resonated off the four walls. I controlled the urge to laugh along with them. To be able to experience those moments once more and laugh at the adorable aspects of it was refreshing. The laughter gradually died down but the atmosphere in the room did not return to one of apprehension. I realised, over the past ten minutes, that although my sister might never return to my side, memories of her would still stay with me.
♥ you and i both loved
Sunday, March 9, 2008 @10:36 PM
Ho Ho Hum! Great FA Cup quarter-final weekend! Full of cupsets. =DManchester United lost to Portsmouth 1-0Chelsea lost to BARNSLEY 1-0 *GASP*Middlesbrough losing to Cardiff 2-0 (currently)Imagine the final being barnsley vs bristol rovers... will it be the most boring final ever!I just realised the amazing thickness of my bio notes. And it's so complex and cheem and i don't think i will be able to understand it. I don't even know what are the parts to read that are relevant to my learning and the bio curriculum! Does that mean i have to read all of it? But it's impossible!
♥ you and i both loved
@6:37 PM
I'm using the computer now without wearing my specs. Strange! I'm worried that my eyesight is worsening so i try not to depend on my specs too much. O.o But somehow i feel that's not the right way to do things. Anyway, i realise i don't have to stare too close to the screen to see what i'm typing. Heh! Not bad yet.It's been pretty uneventful the past... 2 days? What's keeping me kinda excited now is that liverpool is in good form. =P It's bittersweet being a liverpool supporter, there are very high highs (like now) and very low lows. Liverpool vs Man U is coming up real soon and I can't wait. =) For liverpool to exact revenge.There's alot of stuff happening after the march hols. Squash inter-school nationals. Almost all of the sec 3s (including me) aren't in the team but mr chow says we have to "play a supporting role". The B div almost made it into the finals last year, it was really close. This year, i think we're prepared, almost there. Training is more strenuous, friendly matches, fitness, psychological. It's going to be a close battle with the other schools! Better be. We stand a chance, if the team hits top form and if Lady Luck loves us too. Our C div's standard isn't as good, but i hope they try their best and put in loads of effort.There are many days after march hols which we don't have to go to school...20 March - Community Day21 March - Good Friday24 March- Inter-house track and field finals25-27 March - Staff TrainingBut it doesn't mean we get to relax. We have to compensate for the holidays we have. Like take and return. Take the holidays, return the mount-everest-sized load of h*******, p#######, essentially w@@@.I simply love to exaggerate. H-Y-P-E-R-B-O-L-E
♥ you and i both loved
Wednesday, March 5, 2008 @10:30 PM
This is so weird! I mean... my english blog.Torres hat-trick =PSoccer in the rain =Sweating it out at the gym hallOne last day of term 1Better go to bedRandomness Chika
♥ you and i both loved
Saturday, March 1, 2008 @8:54 PM
I don't think I spoke at all throughout dinner. O.oToday was spent at the house of kt doing social studies project. Specifically in a small black cozy room (that seemed like it was always nighttime and no daytime) with two computers and a PSP. I have the impression we actually managed to accomplish quite alot? And we didn't put in total+intense focus+concentration all the way, slacked awhile. I hope the content we did was alright. Link to utopia. Plz!I left his house at 12 noon to go for my match at hollandse club. Yeah, Poh Lee Shing managed to beat two other opponents before today. On Thursday evening against a SJI sec 2 guy. 11-4, 11-4. Of all things... Lee Shing can't forget his opponent trying to do a strong forehand drive but whacking the ball against his thigh instead. Lee Shing got hit but his opponent won the point. Rules of the game. =) The pain subsided after awhile. Yesterday evening Lee Shing played against another SJI sec 2 guy. Made many silly silly silly shots/mistakes. Have to use his brain when he's playing lah! Cannot after the game then regret all the stupid decisions... like playing the ball BACK to his opponent instead of dropping, making his opponent run. Anyway the score? 11-10, 11-10. Lee Shing was losing 7-10 in the second set. Shows how close he was to losing! "Too close" Gosh. Almost gave his teacher-in-charge "a heart attack". I guess when he was down 7-10, he wasn't thinking about the score, just playing normally. Pheww.Then today, Lee Shing vs Jun Wei. Teammates. Lee Shing played horribly and got thrashed. End of story. I think when people watched the match, they feel that Lee Shing didn't play with his heart in it. That's unfair. =( Why is it that whenever he tries, it's just not hard or good enough? Or maybe he's not trying, but always bluffing himself? What can he ever do!... stop complaining and for once, convert empty promises into real actions?
The video for leona's new single is out! Footprints in the sand. The video is really touching. Those poor children. =(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d08X2lN669k
Guarantee everyone will love this song as much as they loved bleeding love. Hopefully! Btw, footprints in the sand is released on a double A side with Better In Time. I dunno what that means... probably both songs released together. Anyway, Better In Time rocks too. =P
Alot of homework to do.
Going down to chaoyang school on weds to observe the lesson. I doubt we can hide at the back of the classroom and that the children with learning disabilities won't bother about us. They will be excited to see us. Uhhh that's what... the person there said. Just wonder what will happen. =P
Oh yeah. I forgot to remind Jia Chen on thursday night to bring his ORA card on friday. I was supposed to remind him, form teacher told me to. So I felt really down and guilty when he was forced to go back home to take his card. It was weighing on my heart for a long while, like I was partly to blame.
Then she (my form teacher) said, "So Yee Shing, you forgot to remind Jia Chen?"
-Tired nod of my head-
"Well, it seems like no one is really reliable. Who can i trust in this class?"
Maybe i quoted wrongly and that wasn't really what she said. But it just made it worse because the obvious impression is that I am unreliable and can't be trusted upon.
Won't put any lame quotes. Can't remember them anyway. New season of american idol, david archuleta is a p-r-o.
♥ you and i both loved