Monday, February 25, 2008 @8:48 PM
I just realised my name is spelled as Poh Lee Shing by those hollandse club people. My name is really that strange and difficult to spell correctly hur! My match is this thursday at 6.15. I don't think i have any idea how to get there. Hope i play well and win?Did i just say that i wanna do well for maths cct today in my previous post? Well i guess i can't keep my promises. A faker. Because i completely screwed it up. Imagine... it's only a test with 2 pages, on one darned sheet of paper, and i'm actually that incompetent to be unable to do the darned questions. I will just die for the rest of the year then. This cct is supposed to help us ISN'T IT (like what mr chua always says) and i just CAN'T take this chance to do well. "Why? What happened?" I don't know at all okay, i don't know. Maybe because i panicked. Maybe because i didn't keep my composure. Maybe because i'm just not proficient enough at maths. Maybe it's one of the worst tests i've taken, because I realise that I shouldn't have been that dumb to not know how to do all the questions. Maybe I didn't study hard enough, but then what to call all the time spent on doing the supplementary worksheets, paying attention in class, practising sums in tuition? Meaning i just can't even remember what i did for one day and apply it to the darned test.In any case, my results are dropping. It's like riding a bicycle down a steep slope, just not that exhilarating. Fine, accuse me of not concentrating and not studying hard enough. I slack too much. If i have to study any harder, it might as well be 24/7.I want to have a resolution to do well in term 2 but there's no point. Since i can never keep to what i promise myself. Not just academically. What happened to my facebook resolution to live instead of exist?After the test, I wanted to concentrate all my pent-up frustration, anger and despair on the run at macritchie. But like i always do awhile later after any test, i try to deceive and lie to myself that i didn't do too badly. Today, i kina succeeded in lying to myself, then failed because i discovered i did another question wrongly. The 6km run was okay. Huffed and puffed throughout and i so wanted it to just clear my mind off any bad stuff. I guess it didn't really work though. When i finished running, it all felt so surreal again. It didn't feel like i've ran at all. Like going back in time. I've been feeling it... stuff just seems so unreal. At least the sprinting managed to make me much more tired that i didn't really have the energy to think much.Went home with felix on 156. Guess who we saw? The one and only (or more?) BG aka weird person who lives in KFC checking out, particularly, people from my school. As usual, he was craning his neck throughout the bus journey to stare at felix and me while smiling so widely. Are we that attractive? No wait. I'm not. Is felix that irresistable (to BG)? Haha we were laughing at him alot on the bus and i think he knew. Poke fun at him. Haha. Or have a staring competition with him. He can't last long anyway. Easily out-stared.I should feel ashamed for thinking of complaining about my life because the sec 2s are more stressed than me now. Oh wait gosh i haven't done any hw/studying yet. I don't want to fall any further.Can't trust me Wish could write as nice a paragraph as josiah('s)
♥ you and i both loved